The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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