chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
