I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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