if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
