Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize