Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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