In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
