Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
