got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
