my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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