If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
