He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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