I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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