Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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