and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
