Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
