My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
