So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Mom said you looked used
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
