Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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