my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
