Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
