He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
