Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
