Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
