yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
