She said her name was "party"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
