I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
