UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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