hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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