U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
