There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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