I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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