how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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