it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
