2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
