I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
