Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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