My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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