He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
