used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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