3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
