Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
