our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
