I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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