Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
