So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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