I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
