Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
