If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You smell like stripper and shame
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
