This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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