Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
