can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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