my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
