You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
