Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
