fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
