he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
