I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
