Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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