3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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