My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He better not be in your backpack
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
