So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
