I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
