Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
