do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
