I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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