i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
