Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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