Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
