A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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